Post by devotee on Jan 12, 2007 12:29:10 GMT -5
Somebody forwarded this to me. It all sounds so familiar. ;D
Subject: FW: Does My Butt Look Big In This Saddle?
A show of hand for those of us that own the "Right Horse" read on......
Response to Dr Phil's comment on horse ownership as exercise:
At this time of year, after the holidays, ads for weight-loss programs
saturate print media and the airwaves. Even TV talk shows devote time to
the battle of the bulge. I caught part of a Dr. Phil episode in which
the prominent self-help guru was evaluating the situation of one
over weight guest. The woman commented that she'd like to buy a horse
so she could get exercise via riding. "That's great for the horse,"
responded Dr. Phil drolly, "but what good is it for you?" Obviously,
Dr. Phil has missed out on the cardiovascular workout we women get
attempting to get into a sports bra and riding pants...
Clearly, the good doctor doesn't own a horse, at least, not the right
horse. A quiet, well-broke, agreeable mount may indeed not offer much in
the way of fitness training. But, the right horse (and most of us have
owned 1 or 2, haven't we?) will provide a body-building, cardiovascular
enhanced workout that would make Richard Simmons envious.
Allow me to explain...
With the right horse, you begin your fitness program by walking out to
the pasture. As you stride briskly, you carry the halter and lead rope
behind you, pushed up high on your back so the lead doesn't drag. The
purpose of this is to tone your chest and upper-arm muscles (because
you're not fooling your horse- -for he knows what you carry). As you
approach to within a few feet of him, he'll walk slowly away from you
but at a pace just so you can't reach him, then stop. This will be
repeated several times in succession, until you're ready to jog. At that
point, because you own just the right horse, he will trot, then gallop
around the pasture. If you're at the advanced level of fitness, you may
continue chasing after him for maximum aerobic benefits (or, just stop
and start throwing rocks at him to give your rotator cuffs a workout.
Make sure you switch throwing arms, not only is this a benefit to you,
your horse will think it hilarious). Beginners may prefer to toss the
halter and lead on the ground, bend forward from the waist, and engage
in heavy breathing and chanting (that's what we'll call it, anyway --
chanting) as the horse continues to circle the field. For those of you
that have experience with this exercise, you may choose to throw the
halter and lead, walk briskly, bend, pickup, repeat. When the horse
determines you've had enough of this warm-up session, he'll allow you to
catch him.
Now comes the total upper-body workout of grooming. The right horse,
of course, will be caked in dried mud. The cement-like consistency of it
will require work-to-exhaustion effort of your biceps and triceps.
NOTE: this exercise has added value, the dried mud will stick to your
face with perspiration, instant facial!
Next comes the bending, stretching, and toning of hoof-picking. Bend
over, pick up the horse's left front foot, then be prepared to jump back
as he stomps it back down to the ground, narrowly missing your foot.
(Keep your knees bent as you jump, to protect your lower back.) Reach
down and pick up the foot again, hopping about with the horse to
maintain your grip as you attempt to pick what seems to be dirt mixed
with Super Glue from the hoof. Eventually the horse may stand still;
you may be chanting by this time. Repeat the entire circuit 3 more
times,
with the remaining feet.
Once you can stand erect again, it's time for the insect repellent
exercise. True, with this one, your horse may actually get more of a
workout than you do, but you certainly get more of the repellent. It
goes like this: Squirt!-circle- circle. Squirt!-circle- circle.
Squirt!-circle- circle--- and so on, until you're completely misted
with repellent and chanting 'whoa you sonofapregnant dog whoa'. To receive
maximum benefit from this exercise, make sure you are at the beginning
of a deep inhalation during the 'squirt' cycle and exhale after the last
chanting 'whoa'.
With the right horse, saddling up provides both aerobic and strength
building benefits. The trick is to keep your feet moving as you heft the
saddle blanket over and over (and over), trying to keep it in place on
a moving target. The blanket exercise warms you up for the saddle
exercise, for which the routine is the same, only the weight is much
greater -- perfect for buffing those hard-to-tone shoulder muscles.
Now comes the mounting exercise. With the right horse, it's left leg
up, hop-hop-hop, left leg down, heavy breathing. Left leg up,
hop-hop-hop,
left leg down, heavy breathing. For balance, go around to the other
side and continue the exercise (right leg up, hop-hop-hop, heavy
breathing,
right leg down, heavy breathing, etc.).
When your heart rate begins to exceed your target range, look for a
bucket. Bend over, pick it up, place it upside-down next to the horse,
wait for the horse to move away, then bend over, pick it up again,
place it next to the horse, and so on. NOTE: this is a cooling down
routine not to be confused with the warm up pasture-routine.
When the horse deems you've had enough of these repetitions, he'll
stand still and allow you to actually mount. At this point, of course,
you'll be too exhausted to ride and your facial mask is dropping off in
chunks. It's best not to overdo it, so dismount, grab a glass of wine,
and head in to recover in a bubble bath.
Subject: FW: Does My Butt Look Big In This Saddle?
A show of hand for those of us that own the "Right Horse" read on......
Response to Dr Phil's comment on horse ownership as exercise:
At this time of year, after the holidays, ads for weight-loss programs
saturate print media and the airwaves. Even TV talk shows devote time to
the battle of the bulge. I caught part of a Dr. Phil episode in which
the prominent self-help guru was evaluating the situation of one
over weight guest. The woman commented that she'd like to buy a horse
so she could get exercise via riding. "That's great for the horse,"
responded Dr. Phil drolly, "but what good is it for you?" Obviously,
Dr. Phil has missed out on the cardiovascular workout we women get
attempting to get into a sports bra and riding pants...
Clearly, the good doctor doesn't own a horse, at least, not the right
horse. A quiet, well-broke, agreeable mount may indeed not offer much in
the way of fitness training. But, the right horse (and most of us have
owned 1 or 2, haven't we?) will provide a body-building, cardiovascular
enhanced workout that would make Richard Simmons envious.
Allow me to explain...
With the right horse, you begin your fitness program by walking out to
the pasture. As you stride briskly, you carry the halter and lead rope
behind you, pushed up high on your back so the lead doesn't drag. The
purpose of this is to tone your chest and upper-arm muscles (because
you're not fooling your horse- -for he knows what you carry). As you
approach to within a few feet of him, he'll walk slowly away from you
but at a pace just so you can't reach him, then stop. This will be
repeated several times in succession, until you're ready to jog. At that
point, because you own just the right horse, he will trot, then gallop
around the pasture. If you're at the advanced level of fitness, you may
continue chasing after him for maximum aerobic benefits (or, just stop
and start throwing rocks at him to give your rotator cuffs a workout.
Make sure you switch throwing arms, not only is this a benefit to you,
your horse will think it hilarious). Beginners may prefer to toss the
halter and lead on the ground, bend forward from the waist, and engage
in heavy breathing and chanting (that's what we'll call it, anyway --
chanting) as the horse continues to circle the field. For those of you
that have experience with this exercise, you may choose to throw the
halter and lead, walk briskly, bend, pickup, repeat. When the horse
determines you've had enough of this warm-up session, he'll allow you to
catch him.
Now comes the total upper-body workout of grooming. The right horse,
of course, will be caked in dried mud. The cement-like consistency of it
will require work-to-exhaustion effort of your biceps and triceps.
NOTE: this exercise has added value, the dried mud will stick to your
face with perspiration, instant facial!
Next comes the bending, stretching, and toning of hoof-picking. Bend
over, pick up the horse's left front foot, then be prepared to jump back
as he stomps it back down to the ground, narrowly missing your foot.
(Keep your knees bent as you jump, to protect your lower back.) Reach
down and pick up the foot again, hopping about with the horse to
maintain your grip as you attempt to pick what seems to be dirt mixed
with Super Glue from the hoof. Eventually the horse may stand still;
you may be chanting by this time. Repeat the entire circuit 3 more
times,
with the remaining feet.
Once you can stand erect again, it's time for the insect repellent
exercise. True, with this one, your horse may actually get more of a
workout than you do, but you certainly get more of the repellent. It
goes like this: Squirt!-circle- circle. Squirt!-circle- circle.
Squirt!-circle- circle--- and so on, until you're completely misted
with repellent and chanting 'whoa you sonofapregnant dog whoa'. To receive
maximum benefit from this exercise, make sure you are at the beginning
of a deep inhalation during the 'squirt' cycle and exhale after the last
chanting 'whoa'.
With the right horse, saddling up provides both aerobic and strength
building benefits. The trick is to keep your feet moving as you heft the
saddle blanket over and over (and over), trying to keep it in place on
a moving target. The blanket exercise warms you up for the saddle
exercise, for which the routine is the same, only the weight is much
greater -- perfect for buffing those hard-to-tone shoulder muscles.
Now comes the mounting exercise. With the right horse, it's left leg
up, hop-hop-hop, left leg down, heavy breathing. Left leg up,
hop-hop-hop,
left leg down, heavy breathing. For balance, go around to the other
side and continue the exercise (right leg up, hop-hop-hop, heavy
breathing,
right leg down, heavy breathing, etc.).
When your heart rate begins to exceed your target range, look for a
bucket. Bend over, pick it up, place it upside-down next to the horse,
wait for the horse to move away, then bend over, pick it up again,
place it next to the horse, and so on. NOTE: this is a cooling down
routine not to be confused with the warm up pasture-routine.
When the horse deems you've had enough of these repetitions, he'll
stand still and allow you to actually mount. At this point, of course,
you'll be too exhausted to ride and your facial mask is dropping off in
chunks. It's best not to overdo it, so dismount, grab a glass of wine,
and head in to recover in a bubble bath.
How true this is!! Thanks for the laugh! And Dr Phil needs to get a clue! 
