Post by mysteryhorses on Feb 22, 2007 11:09:43 GMT -5
“Foaling Mare’s Secret Code”
The mare’s secret code of honor is as old as horses themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret. NO mare shall ever produce a foal before it’s time.
It’s time being determined by the following factors:
1. No foal shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and your social life non-existent.
2. Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before you foal out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence means you’re getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, foaling must be delayed by at least one day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day…internal, add three! If you hear the words, “She’s nowhere near ready…you will be fine, while I’m away for the weekend,” then wait 12 to 16 hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner’s stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you’re getting close. When you hear the words, “I can’t take it anymore!”…wait three days and produce a foal.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
7. The honor of all horses is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your stable mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. Oh, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have this foal, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe thunderstorm warnings is what your looking for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the stable to check on you. Your stable mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too!
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special horses are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful filly to carry on the mare code of honor for the next generation of those who wait!
–Author Unknown
"Are you waiting for that equine bundle of joy to arrive? Here's a tongue-in-cheek account of one horse-person's foal night-watch:
10:00 Gather sleeping bag, alarm clock, and three old horse magazines and head for
the barn.
10:01 Return to house for bag of chips and 32 ounce Diet Pepsi
10:10 Back to barn. Flashlight goes out halfway there. Figure I can make if from
memory. Pat faithful ranch dog's head as he pants and slobbers alongside me.
10:11 Suddenly remember I have no ranch dog!
10:11 Run screaming to the house. Change flashlight batteries. Change underwear.
Return to barn.
10:15 Establish foal-watch headquarters.
10:16 Enter broodmare's stall for the 5,687th time.
10:16 Broodmare flattens ears for the 5,687th time.
10:19 Return to headquarters and squirm into sleeping bag.
11:18 Finally fall asleep.
11:19 Alarm goes off.
11:20 Peek through peephole. Broodmare flattens ears.
11:21 Reset alarm clock and flick off lights.
11:23 Flick on light. Realize 32 ounce Diet Pepsi was a mistake.
11:24 Run to house.
11:29 Walk back to barn.
11:30 One last check of broodmare through peephole. Ears pinned.
11:41 Check peephole. Mare is lying down.
11:42 Enter broodmare's stall carrying "Ye Olde Foaling Manual", 3 pounds of rags,
and iodine.
11:42 Mare breaks wind and gets up - ears pinned.
11:43 Return to sleeping bag and flick off light.
12:29 Fall asleep.
12:31 Alarm goes off.
12:32 Peek through peephole. Broodmare fine. Can't see ears. Assume pinned.
12:33 Back to sleeping bag.
12:39 Leg cramp.
12:40 Leg cramp gone.
1:10 Fall asleep.
1:39 Alarm goes off. Sleep through it.
6:30 Wake up. Glance at clock. Attempt to leap from bed. Crawl to peephole. See
two sets of pinned ears!! "
The mare’s secret code of honor is as old as horses themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret. NO mare shall ever produce a foal before it’s time.
It’s time being determined by the following factors:
1. No foal shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and your social life non-existent.
2. Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before you foal out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence means you’re getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, foaling must be delayed by at least one day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day…internal, add three! If you hear the words, “She’s nowhere near ready…you will be fine, while I’m away for the weekend,” then wait 12 to 16 hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner’s stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you’re getting close. When you hear the words, “I can’t take it anymore!”…wait three days and produce a foal.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
7. The honor of all horses is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your stable mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. Oh, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have this foal, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe thunderstorm warnings is what your looking for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the stable to check on you. Your stable mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too!
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special horses are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful filly to carry on the mare code of honor for the next generation of those who wait!
–Author Unknown
"Are you waiting for that equine bundle of joy to arrive? Here's a tongue-in-cheek account of one horse-person's foal night-watch:
10:00 Gather sleeping bag, alarm clock, and three old horse magazines and head for
the barn.
10:01 Return to house for bag of chips and 32 ounce Diet Pepsi
10:10 Back to barn. Flashlight goes out halfway there. Figure I can make if from
memory. Pat faithful ranch dog's head as he pants and slobbers alongside me.
10:11 Suddenly remember I have no ranch dog!
10:11 Run screaming to the house. Change flashlight batteries. Change underwear.
Return to barn.
10:15 Establish foal-watch headquarters.
10:16 Enter broodmare's stall for the 5,687th time.
10:16 Broodmare flattens ears for the 5,687th time.
10:19 Return to headquarters and squirm into sleeping bag.
11:18 Finally fall asleep.
11:19 Alarm goes off.
11:20 Peek through peephole. Broodmare flattens ears.
11:21 Reset alarm clock and flick off lights.
11:23 Flick on light. Realize 32 ounce Diet Pepsi was a mistake.
11:24 Run to house.
11:29 Walk back to barn.
11:30 One last check of broodmare through peephole. Ears pinned.
11:41 Check peephole. Mare is lying down.
11:42 Enter broodmare's stall carrying "Ye Olde Foaling Manual", 3 pounds of rags,
and iodine.
11:42 Mare breaks wind and gets up - ears pinned.
11:43 Return to sleeping bag and flick off light.
12:29 Fall asleep.
12:31 Alarm goes off.
12:32 Peek through peephole. Broodmare fine. Can't see ears. Assume pinned.
12:33 Back to sleeping bag.
12:39 Leg cramp.
12:40 Leg cramp gone.
1:10 Fall asleep.
1:39 Alarm goes off. Sleep through it.
6:30 Wake up. Glance at clock. Attempt to leap from bed. Crawl to peephole. See
two sets of pinned ears!! "
